Friday, September 12, 2008

switch

These past few days, I still look for a face I knew in the crowd. Still looking for a face that I once knew to be as angelic. Maybe its a habit of mine to take a peek, dunno. You've managed to switch something inside of me and I can't figure it out yet on how to turn it close. Somehow its like I got my own radar that always recognize your face, your body and even your slightest shadow. I always see you even if I don't want to anymore.

You used to be in my dreams every night that makes me wake up with a smile but now you've turned into my nightmare, a disaster and waking up is the hardest part of my day. Just a few days ago, I really really wanted to see and talk to you. To have a conversation to clarify things up and as much as possible to end things straight without any misunderstandings and doubts. Let’s get it straight, it didn't happen and I don't miss you no more. I readied myself for that and thought that I was strong enough, well I'm not but with the help of my friends I was more than ready right now.

You were not someone that will hold someone's breath just to stare at you. You were just one of those people that passes by everyday that nobody even notices you. But there was something about you, something so special that I can't even explain. We've been friends for a long time now but not too long ago you've captured my heart. Something that is so unusual because I was never one of those who fall for someone so easily yet you did it with ease. Effortless on how you've managed to bring color to my dull world.

Beautiful in every single way, that's how I looked at you. You captivate me every time we talk, mesmerizing me every single second we're together. I always look forward to talking to you at night either by texting or chatting. You're always the last person I think about before I sleep and always the first one every time I wake up. The simple goodmorning text already makes my day and a goodnight text just makes my problems go away and prepares my mind for another sweet dream with you in it. The times we talked whenever one of us is bored and during those rainy brownout no classes days are just as memorable to me. Conversations about anything, jam-packed LRT rides, and mall gimmicks are nothing compared to the way your hair smell. There is no word to describe the feeling whenever your hands fit mine, on how it always finds mine whenever we are together. Butterflies in my stomach are already a normal occurrence especially when I accompany you on your way home. Experiences that are priceless, nothing else can come close to these.

Midnight melodies are nonetheless the trend since I fallen in love with you. They unravel my thoughts and really giggle and tremble me every time you send a message– playing in my head those midnight melodies… You’re always in my dreams. It seems that you won’t escape in my dream labyrinth.

A cheesy typical story isn't it? And yes like those other stories, we didn't have a happy ending. I don't know what has suddenly happened to us. All of a sudden it was gone, you don't know me anymore. I don't even know the reason for that. I tried to take things back to the way it were but you just won't cooperate. It hit me that we cannot salvage what was lost and there was nothing to continue anymore. I have to let you go because fighting by myself won't get me anywhere.

I first thought that all that I sacrificed was in vain, that is was all for nothing. I gave you all the time that i can manage just to be letdown. But as realizations come along, these experiences will make me stronger. I learned from my mistakes and will try to move on with my life now. The times we had was worth it, there maybe regrets but nonetheless every moment spent with you will be treasured as long as I have not forgotten about you.

It's not easy to move on yet I’m managing to do so. I'm not missing you anymore, just happy that I got my freedom back. Thanks for everything. I'm still gonna be here, not waiting for you though, but to help you in anything you might need help with. As you've said, still friends, its gonna be hard but I'll find a way. Like I always say, goodluck and take care my dear friend.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

mixed tape

while some good things never last, some don't even start


last post bago magbagong buhay..haha

"Sometimes, broken love is like this: I will still be thinking of you just the same way, I will still be feeling those butterflies in my stomach whenever you're around, I will still look at you with such wonder of how someone so near to perfection came my way, I will still care for you just the same way, I will still pray for you every night before I sleep, but the only difference is, you will never ever know."

"Mistakes make me think, make me realize what I had, what I've lost, and what I've taken for granted. They make me realize that sometimes there are no next times, no time outs, and no second chances."

"Why do we miss a person? it’s either because we realize that we never treasured the moments when they were always there, and it left us wishing we could turn back time again; or we ’re too happy with them, we enjoyed every single moment, that we became so used to the idea of having them around…but when we finally walked separate lives, we realized that a moment spent without them is like dying stars which slowly leave the sky"

"Sometimes, no matter how much you miss someone, it’s still wiser not to have that person back again… Less tears; less pain"


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Patlang by Cambio

Pilit mang pigilin
Luha’y darating din

‘Wag na nating patagalin
‘Di ka masaya
Pagod na ako
Tapusin na natin ito

Paalam na..

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Scientist - Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

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Brilliant Lies - New Years Day

I want to be a lot of things,
And none of them include you

I keep telling myself I'm not miserable,
I keep telling myself I'm better off without you

Goodbye and thanks for the memories


D aq bitter..mhirap ln kalimutan tlga..haha..kelangan ng bumalik ang dating bondy, ung paborito ng lahat..ung sikat..ung gwapo..ung mtalino..ung magaling.haha:D

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

realidad

realidad ng buhay

kung gusto mong masayang ang mga susunod n mga minuto s buhay mo..inaanyayahan kitang bsahin ang mga susunod kong isusulat. Tara, kwentuhan muna tayo, bka may matutunan k s akin.

mlakas ang ulan knina.mghapon umuulan..nghiwalay kami nig aking ksma s dulong istasyon ng lrt, dumiretso aq kung san lagi nghhntay ng fx. mag iisang oras n akong nndun, nrinig ko si mamang barker "wla tlgang dumadaan n junction n jeep o fx". Npaisip aq..sinubukan kong mag abang n ln s may terminal pero dhil mukhang malas aq..wla ring msakyan

Dahil umiral ang pgkahyper ko.yan..nagsimula akong mglakad patungo dun s mall n tmbayan ng mga estudyante. Hbang nglalakad, kung anu anu ang pumapasok s utak ko..Naisipan kong mag rehearse ng aking "speech" pra s inaasahang muling pagttagpo ng isang tao n mnhal ko n s tingin ko nman ay nde matutuloy. pero s aking pglalakad, ang dami kong nkita..mga sskyan, mga taong ngllkad din at mga basura n tinapon ln s bangketa.

naisip ko, panu b uunlad ang ating pinakamamahal n bansa kung ang pagtapon ln ng basura ay nde p nten mgwang itapon s tamang lugar. Lagi tayong ngrrklamo tungkol s mga baha at sinisisi nten ang mmda pero nde b tau rin ang may kslanan kung bket ngkkbaha?

habang iniisip ko iyon, may bglang sumulpot n batang puslit s aking hrapan. kawawa nman siya,ang una kong inisip ay pinabayaan n sya ng knyang mga magulang. Sabi ni jose rizal, ang kbtaan ang pag asa ng bayan pero panu yun mngyyari kung bata p ln ay pinapabayaan n nten, anu n ang mngyyari s bayan nten kung ang pag asa ng bayan ay wla ng pag asa.

Paano mgiging pag asa ng bayan ang mga kabataan kung ang kabataan nga mismo ay nde n rin umaasa n sila ang pag asa ng bayan?

Nlungkot ako s ktotohanang ito sbay nkita ko ang bata n lumiko s may knto..may ksama nman pla..bumili ln ng bigas n knilang kkainin para s hpunan.mdyo nkahinga ako ng mlalim dahil alam kong may pag asa p ang btang iyon n mging pag asa ng bayan.

nglakad p ako ng konti. nkita ko ang billboard ng burger king..syet,nggutom n ako..ang sarap nung burger. mkadaan nga muna s robinsons pra mgpatuyo.nag ikot muna aq at npadpad s may mcdo..ngkkaron ng training ang mga bagong crew..mbabait at laging nkangiti..khit papano, npagaan nla ang pkiramdam ko,s dndala kong problema..

ang isang simpleng ngiti n nagmula khit s isang estranghero, ay kyang mgpakasaya ng isang tao n may hnagpis s buhay

umorder aq ng burger value meal with extra salt and catsup n nde go big time kasi wla n akong pera, iddaan ko n ln s catsup at asin..tulad nga ng sabe nila,pantawid gutom ln.Pero mswerte pa rin aq kc mcdo ang pagkain ko nde tulad n mga taong ngpapkahirap at naghihikahos para ln mkakain ng kanin at asin para s hapunan..mswerte akong nilalang

Mtagal n ang nilagi kong oras s robinsons, oras n para mag abang uli ng msskyan. Naisipan kong s may sta lucia n ln mag abang ng msskyan dahil alam kong mraming dyip ang nag aabang dun ng pasahero.

Habang nglalakad, pinagmmsdan kong mbuti ang aking dinaraanan, para nde madulas at mkaiwas s mga mgnnkaw dahil s mdilim n kalye n puno ng tao n talo p ang quiapo s kasikipan. Nkramdam aq n may tumusok s likuran ko, dali dali akong tumingin s aking likuran, nkita ko ang isang mtnda n uugod ugod n pinapayungan ng isang binata. Binilisan ko ang aking lakad at daliang tnignan ang aking bag pra mlman kung may nwala s akin

S ksmaang palad ay meron nwala s akin, nbuksan ang zipper ng isa bulsa ng aking bag n may lamang mga bolpen at lapis, highlighter, susi at asul kong ipod n may screen protector at silicon case na kinabitan ng bagong earphones.

CHEAP ung mgnnakaw, nde kinuwa ung G-tech o ung faber castell n highlighter. ang kinuwa lamang ay ang ordinaryong pilot bolpen. Naisip cguro nung mgnnakaw n kung ang ipod yung kukunin nya, wla nman syang charger, bibili p sya at mpapagastos. At cgurado kong nde nya trip ang mga kanta doon.Khit papaano ay sinuwerte aq dun. Ginabayan aq ng aking guardian angel n nde mpahamak.

Ang mga magnnakaw ay mga taong tamad. khit n msipag silang magnakaw. Sila ay may kkyahan na magtrabaho para buhayin ang knilang mga srili pero mas ninanais p rin nla n gumawa ng msma. Katwiran nla, wlang trabaho n mahanap at kung meron nman ay wla pra s knila dhil nde sila nkpag aral khit lamang elementarya. Kung mababaw ka mag isip, mniniwala k s knila. Pero kung ttgnan mo sa mas mlawak n pagtingin, Ang dami daming desenteng trabaho, nde kailangan mkpagtpos para mging isang jeepney driver, pra mging isang katulong. Khit papano ay mrrangal ang mga trabahong eto, tulad nga ng sabi nla "Pag ayaw mraming dahilan pero kpag gusto mraming paraan"

Nanakawan n ako..wla p akong mskyan. mali ang inakala ko, wla ring jeep..nstranded s lakas ng ulan. mtgal p bago aq mkasakay, bka matuluyan n akong mnakawa nnito sabe ko s srili, pumunta n ln aq s mall at muling ngpalipas ng oras. Tnxt ko ang aking kapatid at cnbing daanan n ln aq pag uwi, buti n ln at nsa eskwelahan p sya. Nag ikot ikot aq s mall at dun ko ginugol ang oras ko hanggang s mkakita aq ng upuan. Umupo aq at nghintay ng oras n pagkabagal bagal. Tnxt ko nman ang isa kong kaibigan at cnabi ang aking nging desisyon tungkol s isang problema n aking dndala.

Gusto kong tpusin ang lahat ng nngyari tungkol s isang bagay s maayos n paraan. Mtatamo lamang ito s pgkakaroon ng masinsinang pag uusap. Pero un nga, malabo kung mgkkaron ng isang msinsinang pag uusap at kung mtutuloy nga ito n nkatakda kinabukasan. Kung nde mgkakaroon ng isang msinsinang pag uusap, sabe ko s srili ko n ayaw ko na.mxado n akong nsaktan. Kung gusto nya mgtpos kame ng gnito, sige pagbbigyan ko sya,mabait nman aq e..mpagbigay..mtagal n akong nagtiis, kelangan ng tapusin.

Lumipas nga ang oras n pagkabagal bagal, ssunduin n aq. Nilakad ko hanggang s may burger king n kung saan msrap ang mga burger tulad ng nsa billboard n nkita ko knina lamang habang ngllkad. Mrami p rin tao.stranded, wla p rin mskyan. Ayan na, dumating n ang sundo ko.. Sumakay aq at npasinghap. Ang srap ng pkiramdam n alam mong may ksma k n s malungkot mong araw at alam mong mkakauwi k n at mkkpahinga.

Mas msrap sana kung ang taong ito ay ung pinapangarap mong mksama habambuhay, pero ang buhay ay nde gnun kdali. Kailangan mong magtiis at paghirapan ang mga bagay n gusto mong mkamtam pero nde p rin cgurado n s kbila ng lhat ng gnwa mo ay maabot mo ang mga ito.

Nde lahat ng bagay n pinaghirapan ay mkukuwa, nde patas ang mundo at tanga ln ang mgsasabi n mdali mbuhay, cguradong nde sya nkranas ng paghhinagpis at nde nkaramdam ng puot at galit s knyang buhay.

Nsa tao kung paano nya ggwing mkabuluhan ang knyang buhay, eto ay nkadepnde s mga desisyon n ating ggwin para s ating kinabukasan. S mga desisyong ito iikot ang knyang mundo at ang isang maling hakbang ay maaaring magdulot ng ksawian s buhay.

Nde nating pwdeng blikan ang mga nngyari na, nde tau pwdeng mbuhay s ating nkaraan. Ang pinakamggwa nten ay mbuhay ng maayos pra s ating kinabukasan n may ngiti s ating labi at tuwa s ating mga puso. Tndaan n ang bawat araw n bngay s atin ay nde dahil kailangan ntin ito, kundi dahil may nangangailangan s atin.

Monday, September 08, 2008

misery

"If you don't wanna stick around then baby forget about me"

three words, eight letters..wish that I will have the chance to say this to you